Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
