my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
