They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
