Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
