If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
