If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
