it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
