I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
