you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
