Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
