Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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