Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
