We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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