What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
