and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I will die if light touches me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
