Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
