im six kinds of drunk right now
I am full of burrito and curiosity
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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