you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
