dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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