oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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