Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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