There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
