Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
