So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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