Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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