Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
