apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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