If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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