He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
MIDGETS
????
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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