So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
