he wants to bone in the snuggie
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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