He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
