can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
