I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
