I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
