You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
