If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My balls are so social today.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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