I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
