so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
