I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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