i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
