I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
