need another drink. this is the easiest way
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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