A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
