So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
