Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
