I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
