ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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