great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
