i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
