No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
