Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
