so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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