there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
