next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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