nut hugger
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
