do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
