And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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