You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
