So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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