kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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