Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
