just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
