Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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