The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
