whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
