Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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