I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
