normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
