My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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