dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
