Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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