brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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