At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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