i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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