Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
