Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
