I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my shit smells like andre
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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