Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
