i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
