so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
