i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize